For Laughs

For Laughs

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her. Ellen Generes

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket:? she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too. Jake Johansen

There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

the best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires. Dorothy Parker

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.